I am in an extremely odd mood. I feel somewhat overwhelmed, maybe it is the recent passing of my birthday or maybe the fact that another year has passed in general. I am sitting on my floor, starring at a box that is beside me. I have decided to look through some old belongings that I store together in a box. The cardboard box is normally hidden in my closet; far enough that no one will find it yet close enough that in the event of a fire I can easily grab it. Inside this box are a lot of key events from my past. I quickly shuffle through the contents looking for a certain book. Incase you are curious what else is inside this box I will outline a few objects. There is a tape of short films I made in high school. There is a bunch of tapes that my old band Jettisonidol recorded during practice (so we wouldn't forget the songs). There are a few photo albums full of family and friends. There is also a scrap book. I have found this specific book of memories and I pull it out.

I want to go back in time, but more significantly I want to go back to allow myself to move forward. I need to start at the beginning to understand where I have ended up. All the events along the way and the people I have met have had a great impact on my character. My life is owed to these people. I start flipping through this old scrapbook of memories. As I flip the pages, the years literally flip alongside. The book starts in high school, when I was a bratty punk kid and ends in the current; ten years later.

The photograph I am looking at now looks a lot different at first; change is good and I encourage it. I have always said to myself (growing up) that "if you cannot change your mind, then how do you know you still have one". This is especially true now. The photograph I look at is of my present self; me in the now of life. This is what is most important right now. This photograph is of a man who is strong enough to stand alone in the present; without his past to back him up. Although I feel this strength within, I see a self who is unsure of his present situation; or maybe the future. At the same time I look completely happy and I know why I am doing the things I am doing, and that is all that matters in the end. In this photograph I am with my friends and it is apparent to us all that we love who we are and what we are doing; even though I now do the same things in a different light. I have been starring at this photograph for awhile now and things are really starting to make sense. It is this starring that I needed. I am feeling a shallow comfort that is relieving me of doubts that I was feeling.