I Should Have Stayed Away.
I recently spent some time with some friends of mine from collage who I hadn�t seen in a year or so. When I used to see these people everyday I was always amazed at how out of this world they could all be. See it was a performing arts program so everybody was a little weird and twisted in his or her own little way. I�d say I was too but on a much smaller scale. Well I just preferred to spend my time reading books about American foreign policy as apposed to hanging out n comedy clubs and trying to prove who was the cleverest of the bunch. Yes I took comedy in collage and no it wasn�t all that much fun. Except for the instances when every once and a while somebody would pull off something unbelievable. Two such instances I am about to explain to you shook my fucking world after being away from the one they lived in for so long.
The first person I talked to that day was a friend of mine from one of my classes. We started chatting about what the other one was up too, how things had been since the last time we talked, and like always it wasn�t all that much. I proceeded to ask him about different people in the class and if they had done anything special over the past year or so since I�d been MIA. He began telling me about a girl that was in one of the other classes while I was still, who had recently answered an add in the paper. The add had said �Need Help, Willing to Pay Good Money.� Being the inquisitive little comedy student that she was she replied to the add to see if she could be of any assistance. It turns out the add was placed by a young man from china who wanted to become a Canadian citizen so he could go to the prestigious York University located right here in Toronto. Turns out the fella was willing to pay her 20,000 dollars for her hand in marriage, and a green card. 10,000 when they get married, 5,000 six months threw and the last 5,000 at one full year. �Outstanding!� I said to my equally as excited friend. I sat there a few seconds just to grasp the thought that these kinds of things actually happen then went and asked the girl what paper she saw the add in. Apparently they never see each other, he lives in Scarborough and she�s in Etobicoke. I guess she tried to kiss him once but he wasn�t having any of it. She�s actually not that bad looking either. Maybe he�s hot for some Commie princess back in the motherland.
The second jaw dropper this fine friend informed me about involved him a girl from his class and her roommate all sleeping on a bunk bed together one night after some drinky drinky. My friend and his lady were on the bottom bunk while the roommate was up top, asking my friend periodically for help when she ran into trouble. I guess the roommate on top thought that the other girl was sleeping and she was just innocently doing a crossword with her friend�s boyfriend late at night. Turns out my friend was just going to town on this girl while still doing the cross word puzzle with the roomy on the top bunk. �What�s a 6 letter word for human machine?� she asked. �Cyborg.� He replied. Good on ya man. You�ve entered into the world of shameless fever. Get well soon and thanks for the laughs.
By Derrick St. Micheal
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