 Interview and intro by: Jennifer Noski / Photograph by: Bill Osborne City And Colour: "Drunk Suit Pisser"I love hearing stories about drunk people doing dumb shit, getting busted and paying for it. Honestly it happens to everyone - everyone has gone to the dark side once or twice - funny thing is some people keep doing it. --
Dallas Green: About three years ago these girls were walking by and they were laughing and my friend Chris Hammel was like, “What? What are you laughing at me for?”
Truth.Explosion.Magazine: Why were they laughing at Chris?
DG: They were like, “We’re not laughing at you,” and they pointed to the back of the trailer.
TEM: What was going on back there?
DG: Chris sticked his head out and there was this drunk guy, like a man, peeing all over our trailer.
TEM: What?! Where were you?
DG: On a main street in Calgary! Just peeing there.
TEM: So what did he do?
DG: He started swearing at the guy and we look over and this guy just keeps pissing on the trailer. So Hambone (Chris Hammel) yells at him, you know, “Get the eff out of here.”
TEM: Haha!
Chris Hammel: Dude, it’s Truth.Explosion, you can cuss.
DG: Oh ok. “Get the fuck out of here”. And uh, so the guy just starts running. Super drunk. And he’s probably like, in his thirties, kinda wearing a suit.
TEM: Uhh that’s bad.
DG: It sucks. But um, so we’re just like, “What?” So Hambone’s like, “Can I go get that guy?” And I’m like, yeah he was working with me so he didn’t want to run after a guy when I would be like, “What are you doing?” So yeah I was like, “That’s fine, go ahead.”
TEM: So he took off after him?
DG: So he chased this guy and we were standing there laughing and we saw two kids chasing after Hambone. So we were thinking, “Oh no, they’re that guys friends.” So we ran after them. We got two blocks down the street and there was this train station…
TEM: Oh no…
DG: Turns out these kids saw Hambone chase after this guy and they just wanted to watch and see what was going to happen.
TEM: That’s a relief!
DG: So we ran into the train station and Hambone grabbed the guy and the guy was just like, “Blahhhgghh” and this other guy was with his girlfriend and he saw and he walked over to Hambone, trying to be the hero of the day…
TEM: Oh no…
DG: Hambone just looked at him and goes, “NO!” And he’s like, “okay.” So he backed up.
TEM: That’s that! So what about the drunk suit pisser?
DG: Hambone walked after him and he tried to run again. So Hambone grabbed him and ripped his shirt. So he got him by the neck and he walked him back to the trailer.
TEM: So amazing!
DG: The guy was just kinda drunk and took his wallet out and started trying and give Hambone money. Hambone was like, “No no, I’m going to take your money too, but first we’re going back to the trailer.” And he was like, “Bahhh.”
TEM: Soo drunk!
DG: Like, so drunk. And we were just laughing because it was so funny. Finally we got back to the trailer and Hambone was like, “Clean it up!” And he’s like, “What??”
TEM: Haha!
DG: “CLEAN IT UP!” Hambone said. He actually went to undo his pants to pee again because he was so drunk he thinks Hambone’s trying to tell him to pee on it again. And Hambone wass like, “What the fuck are you doing?” So he grabbed him and he started cleaning the trailer with the guy, like with his shirt but his shirt was still on him!
TEM: Ew.
DG: So he was rubbing him on the trailer with his shirt. With is very funny.
TEM: Haha!
CH: Haha!
DG: Especially because we’re a bunch of guys who don’t drink. So we were laughing because it was like, this is what you get when you’re drunk, you’re pissing in the street and you’re being an idiot. You know?
TEM: Yeah, karma.
DG: Finally he stopped and we were laughing and we were taking a bunch of pictures and Hambone yells, “I’m going to kill you! Run!” And he just started running away and then we laughed and then uh… that’s my story.
TEM: Did you get the money?
DG: No. We just cleaned our trailer with his shirt while he was wearing it! He’s going to wake up the next day still wearing that shirt.
TEM: And smelling like pee?
DG: Smelling like piss. On the kitchen floor and his wife or whatever is going to be like, “Why do you smell like pee?” And he’s not going to know why. When really, he got cleaned.
TEM: That’s great. So what is the “truth” about Dallas Green?
DG: The truth is, if we’re on tour and you were drunk and you pissing on anything that belongs to us, we are going to get you. And clean up your piss with you. And that is the truth about Dallas Green and City and Colour. Oh, and Chris Hammel.
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