 Interview and intro by: Matthew Parrish / Photograph by: Kim Turk White Lies: "Came Across A Rabbit"I use to spend a lot of time in forests as a kid growing up. I grew up north of the big city - so if we wanted to get in trouble - you know - burn stuff, smash stuff, build stuff, etc. we had to do it far off in the forests so we wouldn't get caught or seen. I remember one time we found this badly injured bird that couldn't fly. It was really sad. --
Charles Cave: In London where we grew up, certain Secondary (high) schools have various traditions. This is sometimes on a national level like teacher training days where everyone gets the day off school, or sometimes much more personal traditions undertaken by different schools.
Truth.Explosion.Magazine: That’s pretty cool. So what did your school do?
CC: One tradition which my school went through every year, came about at the age of fifteen for a pupil. An assembly was called, which was dreaded by all - where it was announced that it was now time to decide what you were going to do as a Monday after-school activity for the next two years.
TEM: Woah! Did you get to choose anything?
CC: The choices were: Join the Combined Cadet Force in the Navy, Royal Air-force, Army, or community service. In this enclosed society where you joined said a lot about you.
TEM: Yeah I bet. That’s got to be quiet the divide…
CC: The boys that smoked too much weed and hated their parents chose community service thinking they would just get away with doing nothing, only to later find themselves spending hours listening to army stories in retirement homes anyway.
TEM: Haha. So who signed the Air Force?
CC: The science champions would chose the RAF (Royal Air Force) foaming at the mouth to get into the buttons and circuitry of a fighter jet cockpit.
TEM: Soooo true!
CC: Boys still finding themselves in life chose the Navy. I think the thought of solitude in the middle of the sea appealed to them as it nearly did me.
TEM: So where did all of this leave you?
CC: This left a big mix of people in the Army.
TEM: People like?
CC: There were those guys who would invite you to their houses for dinner and after five minutes of entering want to show you their huge sword collection. There were the guys who just loved anything to do with physical endurance and manliness to whom anything less than 500 press-ups was wussy. And there were guys like me who just wanted to see what would happen.
TEM: Yeah I’m not too sure what I would pick. So what did it mean to be in the Army?
CC: Being in the Army not only consisted of Monday after-school classes but a ten day training camp visit every school term.
TEM: What was that like?
CC: As you would imagine, they were filled with marching, shooting, climbing over obstacle courses in the rain and of course 18-year-old cadets who were allowed to quit at 17 but just loved the ego trip from being able to shout at smaller humans...just watch Full Metal Jacket.
TEM: I was afraid you were going to say that!
CC: One of the events that took place was an expedition. This was a three-day walk and two night camping challenge set out to test leadership, map-reading skills and survival. You didn't pick the group you would walk in and I ended up with four boys in my year whom I hadn't spoken to very much before.
TEM: Sounds pretty intense!
CC: It was the second day of walking and everyone was still in fairly good spirits considering the red marks on our shoulders from our heavy bags or the smell of muddy clothes.
TEM: Did you have good weather?
CC: The weather was fine and we had had a good first night of camping with no storms or tents collapsing.
TEM: Thank god for that!
CC: Walking through a narrow path that skirted a huge forest we came across a rabbit.
TEM: Like close by?
CC: We were about ten meters away when we noticed it and as we walked forward we all watched, expecting it to run away into the forest at any second.
TEM: It didn’t?
CC: It didn't run, it just stood staring into space in the middle of the path, with what seemed as not a care in the world. We grew closer and closer and still not a twitch as it stood on two paws right in the middle of the path.
TEM: What were you all thinking at this point?
CC: We were all confused by this placid and docile wild animal. It was like nothing we had ever come across before. Why did it not run at the sound of heavy-booted teenagers approached? Why did it not even twitch as we squatted inches away.
TEM: I would have ran fast as all hell of I was that rabbit!
CC: Archie, one of the boys who I was walking with moved in closer to take a look. He let out a small moan of realization and sorrow. He pointed to it's eyes and one of its paws.
TEM: What did he see?
CC: Both of its eyes were bright red as if possessed and there was small drops of blood staining its fur beneath them.
TEM: Holy shit man! And its paw?
CC: Its paw seemed broken or at least unusable and yet the rabbit did not move as if frozen by what it was looking at in the distance. Another boy in the group whispered.
"It's got myxomatosis. I know it. I've seen it before. They used it in Australia to kill them off because they were seen as pests."
TEM: Woah! Serious?
CC: We had been warned about this disease affecting rabbits before we started the walk but in our anticipation of the challenge ahead, pushed it to the back of our minds as merely another rule.
TEM: This is getting real fucked!
CC: Staring it in the face was a different matter. Looking back on it now, it’s hard to understand what happened in those next minutes. There was silence from everyone as we just stared.
TEM: And it staring back!
CC: Some of us even tried to see if it was actually looking at anything. But I can still remember it's eyes and the effect it had on five grown boys was profound. It seemed like it was almost staring into the distance, waiting for Death to arrive. It sounds absurd, I know, but the look in that animals eyes drained us all more than any assault course we had done.
TEM: Sounds like it! So mental…
CC: After about three minutes, one boy spoke.
"We should put it out of its misery."
TEM: Ohhh man!
CC: Again, an eerie silence descended on the group. There was nothingness around for miles. The only noise came from a few birds in the canapé of the forest to the left of us. After another minute, a second boy spoke.
"Yes, its the kindest thing to do isn’t it?”
TEM: But who's going to do it? And do you have weapons?
CC: We weren't carrying rifles and if we had been they would be filled with blanks anyway.
TEM: No knives?
CC: Looking back, I am sure a couple of us might have had a knife but I am not sure if anyone could bring themselves to touch it let alone kill it in that way.
TEM: Yeah man. So freaky!
CC: It seemed like a statue that if touched might come to life, furious at us for disturbing whatever it was watching. Archie began pacing around the path thinking to himself. Everyone else was silent.
TEM: What was Archie thinking?
CC: He turned to the group and said.
"We can use a rock. We can drop a big rock on it."
TEM: That’s a pretty barbaric plan Archie had!
CC: The idea caused looks of horror and some of us seemed shocked by the idea. But after a moment, the smallest in the group whispered in Archie's direction.
"You have to do it. It's your idea so you should do it."
TEM: Shit man.
CC: Everyone could tell this part of the plan had not been Archie's intention and he opened his mouth to protest before sinking into deep thought.
"Ok." He said, "I'll do it."
TEM: Man I would not want to be in that situation! Did he go looking for a rock?
CC: It didn't take him long to notice a jagged rock about the size of a turkey, lying in the mud by the side of the path. He moved over to it and tried to pick it up. It was really heavy, everyone could tell by the groan he let out when heaving it up into his arms and cradling it for support.
"That will work. That’s big enough."
Said the small boy who had put down his bag and stood motionless in front of the scene. Archie tiptoed close to the rabbit's back. Again, it didn't move a muscle, just starred at that same spot in the distance.
TEM: So much suspense man! You are killing me…
CC: I could actually see beads of sweat tricking down past the crack in Archie's nose. Partly because of the weight of the rock, but partly because of the horror of what he was about to do. As he stood there, breathing slow and deep it seemed like the whole group had a million thoughts running through their minds.
TEM: What did you think about?
CC: I thought about the fact that my parents had never let me or my brother have a pet. I had never seen a dead animal this size. I thought about my Buddhist friend in school who claimed to have never killed a living thing in his life. I never believed him. I thought about what we all doing earlier that week, firing rifles, made in their thousands, at a red dot in the middle of a target fifty meters in front of us. That red dot turned into the bloodshot and eyes of the rabbit.
TEM: Fuck!
CC: In one violent motion, Archie lifted the rock high above his head. I stared at it, almost silhouetted in the grey sky above. Below the rock, I saw Archie's eyes suddenly widen with terror and he hurled the rock downwards onto the rabbit.
TEM: You seriously have me on the edge of my seat here!
CC: My heart began beating furiously. I wasn't sure whether I would look at the rabbit or look away. But I looked and to all of our horror the rock had merely hit half of its body. The rabbit was now twitching, still calm, still staring into the distance but I have never seen something so ready and desperate for death in my whole life.
TEM: That’s so sad – what a weird disease! Did Archie finish the job?
CC: Archie picked up the rock from where it had rolled to and this time with every ounce of passion and strength in his body, hurled it and hit the target.
TEM: Finally over!
CC: After that, we picked up our bags and walked, each a few meters from one another. Nobody spoke for hours. Not a word. We didn't tell anyone when we reached the camp that night and we never spoke about it to each other again.
TEM: Yeah one of those situations…I have one final question – what is the “truth” about Charles Cave?
CC: You may ask, why this had such an effect on me. People see pets die each day. People have them put down. There are people in the world that shoot animals for fun. In fact, there are people in the world who shoot people for fun. But I just wonder how often anyone sees somebody or something so calm in the face of death as that rabbit. And what a difference there is between taking life, and giving death. I still think about it often however insignificant it may be in the grand scheme of things. I have been to funerals, seen people dying from illness and accidents but nothing made me feel closer to my own life than that event. It humbled me as a human and made me thankful for everything I had.
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